Chiggy-wigs

A poem

Being damp, the UK is
A wood-rot paradise
For chiggy-wigs, also known
As dampers or woodlice

Guess how many names they have
250 in the UK alone!
Imagine my shock and my surprise
When I saw that on my phone

Some people call them ‘nut bugs’
Parson’s pig or slater
Others say they’re monkey peas
Cheese log or billy baker

Hardy back, roly-polies
Leather jacket, grammer zow
Daddy granfer, granny grunter
Slate cutter, penny sow

Honest, I didn’t make these up
Look ‘em up, the names are good
Crunchy bats, gizmagagger
Witches of the wood

There’s pill bug, cheesy bug, 
Granny greys and doddamees 
Chisel bobs, billy buttons
Flumps and grandpa charlies

Tick-tocks, slatey beetles 
Ogopogo, chicky pigs
Chisel pigs, chuggy pigs
Chooky-pegs and piggy-wigs

How’d people come up with these?!
These wacko names are the bomb
Roadkrill, sandworm, curly baker
What do you call them, where you’re from?

B Philippe

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My fantasy novel ‘Diamond Spice’ is available from all your favourite book websites.